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July 20, 2001
My problem is my memory.

My problem is my memory. I can't remember anything. Not the things I want to remember anyway. Images, things people said, things I thought; they slip away from me. Constantly. Since I woke up this morning I've had oodles of ideas.. Things I was going to write, insights into my life, your life, their lives. But now I sit and stare at the white and it's all gone. Blank. Nothing. Bah.

I seem to have an unlimited memory for song lyrics, ridiculous trivia, phone numbers and other useless mumbo jumbo, but a memory like a net with big holes in it (couldn't remember the word I wanted) for most of the stuff I'd rather remember. Maybe it just takes practice. Or one of those little tape recorders.

Hard times for Denyse, and it's awful. So hard to understand these things. There's really nothing to understand. "What can you say at a time like this?" I remain optimistic though, I think people can beat things if they try hard enough. Of course some things get the best of us, but we gotta fight. Positive, hopeful energy (lay your hands upon me, child!!) certainly does no one any harm.

I have a backpack full of water, and I can't stop thinking about it. Walking around, on the subway, I'm wondering if anyone realizes how much water I'm toting around. It makes the backpack stand up on it's own, like a sandbag. Or a waterbag, more precisely.

Certain tattoos you just know came from prison. Or at least that's what they want you to think.

I'm feeling a loss because I have no packages on the way. I like packages. Consume consume consume. Track my package on the UPS site. Ooh, ooh, it's in Jersey! Scheduled delivery 7/19/01!! But now, nothing's coming. Nothing on the way. Nobody loves me. No e-tailers, anyway.


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