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July 27, 2001
Lord a mercy, it's almost

Lord a mercy, it's almost 1 am. I've been doing this a lot lately.

Poor Denyse.. It's so hard to know how to deal with these kinds of things.. so hard. It's like the abortions, so disconnected, surreal. I mean, I know what the pain is like, but those kinds of pains aren't something you can conjure up. Sympathy is easy, empathy is hard. It's self-preservation I guess. Anyway, I hope Michael gets better, and I'm hoping that he will. As Dave would say, I'm sending good thoughts for him.

Things I wanted to get down: Subway, the harumphy lady who bumped everyone around and yelled even though the train was completely packed. "watch the baby". the big lady in spandex pants and a low cut shirt that said "Hustler" across the front in baseball jersey script. she and the mean lady were having a "who can wear the most ugly, fake jewelry" contest. She was dripping with cubic zirconia. Tits like a shelf. You could serve dinner up there.

She put her headphones on and started squirming. Like a worm, starting undulating and bobbing her head. It was really offputting. She had one hand on the center poll, and it was impossible to keep from imagining her as a stripper dancing around a poll. I thinnk she was thinking it too. "I could be a stripper. I'm sexy.. ba da ba da da". She gave the other lady, who was really short and stared too long at the front of my t-shirt, these really nasty looks. The otehr lady shot them right back. I don't care who would have won, I just wanted to see them go at it.

I think that's it. I wish I could have gone over to Denyse's tonight, I'm sure she's really sad and all alone over there. It was so late.. I'll try to get over there during the day tomorrow to see her. +

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