Scattered. Smothered and Covered. Side of eggs.
I've been listening to a bit more Phish lately than I have in a while; it's surprising how it affects me. Maybe it's not surprising. Their music has been such a part of my life for so long. Every song evokes powerful emotions, memories, images. It's so intense that I'm finding that I can hardly listen to them casually anymore. When I'm not in the mood for some kind of release or reckoning, I turn it off immediately. If Velvet Sea comes on, I had better be prepared to cry.
Spent yesterday afternoon playing guitar with Luke. It's so much more fun to play with someone else, to be able to work out songs together, and make up new stuff. We threw together a nice little series of chords, I played it later and Dave said, "What's that?". Luke and I are very comparable in ability, so it works great. By the time I went to bed last night I couldn't play a single note because my fingers hurt so badly, a great feeling. I really want to find a way to be around people in this way more often. Hanging around, playing music, singing, making up funny lyrics. It's so much more vital, such a pleasant and needed contrast to my daily routine.
Speaking of the daily routine, I'm feeling the pressure behind the dam increase exponentially. The rub is that there are elements of the routine that I love. I love volleyball, working on slapnose (more of a love/hate thing), my friends, music. But I'm aware of the inertia I'm caught in, and it's beginning to disturb me greatly. What happened to the dreams?
One more dollar. There are good things too, of course. I just feel scattered. Last night Dave, Cass, Erica and Colin came over and we watched Ghostbusters. There's always Ghostbusters. Really, it was fun, it's been nice to have the place to myself for the weekend, though I'm realizing that I spend all of my time in my room anyway, so it doesn't much matter if Kevin and Andy are around anyway. I guess it's nice to be able to watch a movie or some teevee whenever I feel like it, but really, it's probably best that I don't have that opportunity very often. Too much access to teevee is bad for me, certainly does nothing for that scattered feeling.
I feel like I got about 5 minutes of sleep last night, woke up to the stifling heat of my radiator, confused about why I was so damned uncomfortable. I wish I could remember my dreams, wrap them up in things you say, mail them off to you.
