Okay, I've had it. I'm throwing my hat into the ring. This is it, the official announcement.
Anthony for President in '04
Is that all I have to do? Maybe I have to register somewhere.
Of course I should probably enumerate my stand on the major issues. Here goes.
I favor salary caps in the NBA. I think there should be also a limit to the size of the diamond earrings men can wear (The Bling-Bling Proposal). Car horns will be directly tied to a fairly painful but overall harmless electric shock. If you want to honk, you'd better damn well mean it. This will also apply to subway doors. After being held for 5 seconds, zap. These may sound like minor issues, not particularly relevant to the national or international scene, but I call these my Quality of Life Agenda. It's the little things that make up most people's lives, and if our government is sensitive to these issues, and implements legislation to deal with them, everyone will be happier, our infrastructure will run more smoothly, and general goodwill will increase. Start with the small stuff, make people happy, punish the dreadfully stupid and irresponsible, and the bigger problems will start to disappear. I know personally, that people leaning on their horns and holding the subway doors for 2 and a half minutes really erodes my natural compassion.
Don't get me wrong, though, I have plans for the more serious issues. Of course the most serious issue of all these days is terrorism and the world's rising distaste for America and Americans. I am firmly against our current administration's policy of "bomb them til they like us". I don't think this will work. If so many people hate us, we should perhaps begin to ask them, and ourselves, why. Maybe it's something small, and we can fix it. Even if it's something more major, if so many people are pissed, call me crazy but the solution is probably not to bomb their relatives. As with most things, it probably stems from a small misunderstanding many years ago that has just snowballed. It happens to me and my girlfriend all the time. Some American probably stepped on some Arabs Jordans twenty years ago and didn't apologize. If it's that, we'll apologize. We'll even buy them a new pair. Free Jordans for everybody.
Another key issue these days, and one closely related to the issue raised above, is Israel. The major sticking point here seems to often be Jerusalem. One city claimed by two major religions as the holiest of holy, they can never agree on how to resolve this issue. My solution? If you can't play nice, if you can't share, nobody gets it. Jerusalem should be turned into an International Peace City. Everyone is welcome to visit, but nobody can live there. It's basic parenting. And on top of that, the Palestinians should by all means be given a homeland of some kind. Everyone deserves a place to live and call their own.
What else.. domestic policies. For one, marijuana instantly legalized. I mean, really, come on, get over it. Another thing: It will be illegal to give laws clever acronyms for names. All laws will have regular old HR-2039 kinds of names, and have a nice, plain language summary at the beginning. No marketing of laws. Period. Also, laws can only be about one thing. No riders, none of that shit. If the law is about National Security, you can't add a clause that gives the 23rd congressional district in Wyoming a tax break or creates a national spy network. You want a spy network, you have to draft a spy network bill (but it can't be called that). Also, no major legislation can be passed in the 2 weeks following a major disaster such as September 11, with the exception of emergency measures with a direct, immediate effect, and even these, very carefully. Laws should be passed soberly and with careful thought and debate, not in an emotional firestorm.
That's all for now. Vote me. I'll tell the truth. When I'm confused, I'll say so. We'll have a big party.
Oh, and I'll look into that registering thing, I'm sure there's some form I have to fill out.
