Finally I can post this, now that I won't be scooping the paper where I work.
Last week, Starbucks had a motivational leadership conference here in Seattle. During one event - the "Licensed Stores Award Ceremony" - there was a performance that must be heard to be believed.
I'll let David Schmader, The Stranger's "Last Days" columnist, describe it, because he's funny.
Knee-deep in the mocha/making coffee right
So many partners/working late at night
We just want to build here--IMDS, does it pass?
We call on development to complete the task!
Living the way of being,
In the Green Apron Book!
Don't you remember?
We built this Starbucks on heart and soul!
The rewrite even replicated the weird helicopter news report that appears in the middle of the original: "I'm looking out over hundreds of partners on another fantastic leadership conference and I'm seeing a bunch of everyday heroes!" "I couldn't fucking believe it," writes Cilantro. "The rest of the crowd was stunned, too. Eventually, the emcee berated them--'Come on you guys! Dance! This is your band! This is for you!'--and the crowd half-heartedly got up and just stood there." (A moment of silence for the million silent deaths experienced by the audience during the song's merciless four-minute-and-48-second running time.)
The Stranger
Again, the song. Go. Listen. Laugh. Cry. For there are people in the world, apparently, who think this is good.
The best description I've heard so far, "It's like a vicious Simpsons parody brought horrifyingly to life."
So true.