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February 11, 2004
Gettin' Kinda Warm in this Handbasket

Does it ever seem to you like we, as a country, are just FUCKING INSANE? Seriously. I'm not just saying that to curse.

A brief (okay, not brief) rundown:
Republicans, many of the same ones who gleefully went after Clinton -- and impeached him -- for lying about blowjobs, are now crying "dirty politics" over questions concerning whether Bush lied about his military service during the Vietnam War.

A simple question: If it's all so clear and he served honorably as he has said, why isn't there a single person anywhere in the world other than George W. Bush who can corroborate his story? I guess he was assigned to that super-secret "all by yourself with nobody watching" detail the National Guard is known for.

I particularly loved it when he responded to Tim Russert on this issue by saying that those asking these questions should, "be careful not to denigrate the Guard." Very nice. How transparent could he possibly be? "I know, I'll divert attention by accusing the questioners of having no respect for service in the National Guard, even though no one has remotely mentioned anything like that. There. Did that work? Are we talking about something else yet?"

Okay, so that's Exhibit A.

Exhibit B would be our congresspeople chewing out the head of Viacom because of a mother-lovin' BOOB on television. One congresswoman was actually visibly shaken. She was screaming at him! "You sir! You KNEW what would happen during that halftime show! And you did it knowingly, to LINE YOUR POCKETS!" (I'm paraphrasing, but it was pretty close to that.)

Call me crazy, but I dare say that there may be larger and more dastardly instances of corporate greed and corruption going on than this Giant Conspiracy to Titillate. Maybe Congresswoman Soccer Mom should look into some of that. I'm sure her constituency is very proud of her. "We're sure glad we sent so-and-so to Congress to clean up them Super Bowls. I'll be damned if I'll stand for my kids seeing any black titties on teevee." Bone crushing injuries, shooting deaths, fires, wars, bikini-clad mud wrestling women in beer commercials, sure. But no boobs. You have to draw the line somewhere.

Isn't it a little bit odd that everyone screams about our morality going all to hell when we see a naked breast on TV while the average kid sees thousands upon thousands of murders on television? And when you really examine the statistics, it's clear that we have a bigger problem with murder in this country than we do with boobs. It so obvious I'm embarrassed to even bring it up, but apparently it needs bringing up.

Exhibit C is the gay marriage thing, which I've written about several times before. Let me reiterate a few key points:

  1. I don't care what the bible says; this country's government was SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED to not be based on what the bible says. If you want a country whose laws come directly from the bible, start your own.

  2. It's REALLY scary when we contemplate changing our constitution to deny certain people the rights that others enjoy. I hope that if this ever comes to a vote, sensible people will see this and prevail. It's simple discrimination, that's all it is.

That's enough about that one.

Exhibit D... Oh, we could go on forever.

We've got the president of Pakistan pardoning a guy who admits that he sold nuclear technology to Libya, Iran and North Korea for 20 years. And our government seems to think this is okay, despite furious rhetoric about Iraq's mystery weapons. Aw, hell, we all make mistakes, right? Let's let bygones be bygones. The guy said he was sorry.

We have Comcast offering to buy Disney for something like 60 BILLION DOLLARS while 25% of children in Afghanistan die before they turn 4 for lack of decent health care. Not to mention the state of health care in this country, or schools without books or globes or teachers who make more than fry cooks. Nothing against fry cooks.

I'm no communist, but still, it seems a bit off. Maybe Comcast could take, like 5% of that and give it to someone. Or we could use that Mars money. Something.

This is depressing. Let's see what the good news is...

Ummm... Oh! ... No... Ummmm...

Oh, here we go: Gourmet Marshmallows.



Previous Comments

If you're looking for an Item E, you can add a bit about how the hellfire-threatening evangelicals are turning up the heat in socalled handbasket. Oh wait, I guess you've already got them covered in your first four points.

Uh, I meant the so-called handbasket, no socalled -- that's a completely different kind of basket.