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July 27, 2004
George Bush: Tough as Nails

Thanks to the ever-vigiliant Associated Press, it should now be clear to all that George W. Bush is a very tough, macho man.

Bush has only been riding the knobby-tired mountain bikes since February, yet he takes on dangerous sections that would give veterans pause. He keeps a cramp-inducing pace on long uphill sections, pouring it on to reach each peak, backing off a little to recover and then attacking the next hill.

He pants hard, emitting low "hrrr, hrrr, hrrr" grunts with each stroke of the pedals, his shoulders bobbing up and down.

Bush's new bike is one of the best in the business: a Trek Fuel 98 made of high-tech carbon fiber. The frame is adorned with top-shelf components that Bush professes to know little about, including a motorcycle-style front and rear suspension that soaks up big bumps.

Clearly, this kind of activity is much more manly than snowboarding, one of the sissy-ass sports of choice of John Kerry.

Thank you, A.P. We will all remember that while the Democrats are celebrating in Boston, Bush is a real man in Texas.

Posted by ahecht at July 27, 2004 1:35 PM
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