Once again, just when you thought Republicans couldn't be more scum-sucking, they manage to outdo themselves and find ways of sucking scum you never knew were possible.
The latest example: Mailings sent to voters in Arkansas and West Virginia warning that liberals seek to ban the bible.
The mailings include images of the Bible labeled "banned" and of a gay marriage proposal labeled "allowed." A mailing to Arkansas residents warns: "This will be Arkansas if you don't vote." A similar mailing was sent to West Virginians.
The secret is, it's all true. We do want to ban the bible. Shit, we were planning to burn a giant stack of them on the White House lawn the day after the election. Bill Clinton is going to personally light the match.
Also, when a liberal is elected President, it is our firm intention to require that everyone try homosexuality at least once before dismissing it as "not their cup of tea." And we're not just talking about a little make-out session at some frat party. You can't really say you don't like it until you've tried it all, and yes, that includes sex with animals, a homosexual tradition.
Speaking of tea, you will also have to drink tea every day, like they do in all those fag countries in Europe. Beer is out, it's all red wine and runny cheeses from here on in.
We further intend to replace the American flag with a gay rainbow flag, decorated with images of women getting casual abortions. Not only will flag burning be tolerated, all flags will come pre-soaked in kerosene and ready to go. They will also be made of absorbent, quilted, three ply paper, in case your tastes run towards wiping your ass with the flag instead of burning it. It's all good.
All churches will be banned of course; if you want to be religious, you will be encouraged to become Jewish and celebrate the murder of Jesus with us every year on We Killed Jesus Day, March 23rd.
SUVs will be outlawed, naturally, and everyone will have to drive underpowered foreign cars or take public transportation with crack addicts, single mothers, and black men.
As for our foreign policy, it will be altered such that every decision made by our government concerning, well, anything really, will have to be approved by the French and the Germans before it is permitted to move forward to a vote in the United Nations. Only after receiving the approval of 4/5 of the countries on earth will a proposition move to our Congress for a vote. The U.N. will always retain veto power.
We will happily allow - encourage even - the spread of terrorism and evil dictatorships whenever possible. Who are we to judge the actions of brutal despots? To them, our culture looks just as weird. We have to respect that.
Your children will be taught about alternate points of view and encouraged to consider the perspectives of others, including people who don't even speak English.
The truth is out. We hate freedom. We hate America more than we can possibly express. It's a complete shitbox. Fuck it, and fuck you, and fuck NASCAR. If we win, boy howdy, you're in for a world of hurt, America-boy.
UPDATE :: Found a scan of one of these fliers.
