Sometimes I feel like my glasses make me see worse. Not exactly worse, but when I wipe them and they get a slight film on them, it feels like looking through a fog.
I had my first ever professional massage tonight, finally cashed in a year-old gift certificate. I've never been much attracted to the idea of massages. Don't get me wrong I love massages in a certain way, and in a certain context, but I never thought of it as something to pay for, with a stranger. I've probably just always associated it with sex, and this is a different approach, and with a man too. Craig. Good old Craig. Popped my cherry.
The whole place seems like they only begrudgingly allow men anywhere near the place. All incense, dim lighting, ghastly waterfall music, and aromatic oils. Tea, lemon in the water pitcher, big fluffy robes. It goes on and on. If I designed a massage place it would be like a NFL training room, with those giant steel tubs with an outboard motor hanging off the side. Big sweaty guys chomping cigars giving a good old fashioned rub down. Linseed oil, liquid heat, varnish, the whole thing.
Wow, all of a sudden that doesn't sound so good either. See what I mean? It's best to just stay away from the whole endeavor.
Truth be told, Craig did a fine job. He also told me I had "good muscle tone," "Do you work out?," he said, and that I had "athletic calves." How do you like that? I thought it was nice of him to say so, especially while explaining how important it is to him to "protect his license". When I asked what he meant by that, he said, "Well, I wouldn't do anything improper. It's all about the client being relaxed. You'd be amazed at what some people will ask for, really, men and women."
At the time it honestly did not occur to me that this could be a subtle opening for me to make a proposition, but now that I've written it down, I feel kind of dirty. It could really go either way, there's nothing inherently indictable about what he said, but it clearly could be interpreted in two ways. They must teach that in massage school. "How to be a hooker without actually saying anything 101". If it had been a woman, it probably would have been easier to detect. I've always been a bit slow on the uptake when guys hit on me.
It's probably a good thing it was a guy though, and an unattractive one at that, I was having a hard enough time mentally dealing with the possibility of an unintended boner while trying not to fart. Just like yoga. I should probably stay away from the New Age Arts. NAA, I think they like to be called. Shit, he mentioned Tantra too!! That slut.
It really can be a curse, that whole visible sign of stimulation men have to deal with. They talk about how much time we spend in our lives watching teevee, sleeping, pooping, what about woody shame? How many terrified minutes did I spend in elementary school desperately trying to get rid of a hard-on while the teacher called people up to the blackboard on by one? Oh the horror.
Time for donuts.
