**category 3**
Ouch.
Spent the evening with Luke, Dave, Cass, Matt and James. It was fun, in a way, always great to see Dave of course, but I feel like hell. It's really hard to have someone I care about so much detest me so profoundly right now, and want nothing to do with me whatsoever. In a way, I admire her, she's strong to be so mad. If it was me, I'd be a fucking wreck, begging for mercy. Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. My apartment is empty tonight and I hate it. I used to love living alone. Maybe if it was my place I still would, I know the roommate thing isn't really what I'm looking for right now. What the hell was that that I was looking for again? Little help?
It's really good to have Dave here, I love him. It doesn't really make this any easier though. Having my friends around me is good I guess for distraction, and to keep busy. Nothing against them personally of course. But wherever I go, there I am, and I'm still sad.
I want a fast-forward button. I want to be able to zoom to one or two months from now. I feel like then I'll know. Shit, sometimes I feel like I know now, but I also know that I'm clouded with immediate emotions, sadness, and confusion. This is as hard as it gets, on all sides. I feel like I gnawed my own leg off, imagining that if I hop for long enough, it would grow back.
And so to bed.
